still no luck finding a job which is pretty lame, but whatever, i'll figure something out or maybe i'll get the boot, who knows? i don't care. :P

birthday was pretty shitty, broke and not much happening when yer broke. i was chillin drinkin some bourbon with my homey when all of a sudden, 25 ravers showed up at my house. it was terrible. i felt like i was being invaded by cartoon characters. they all stank like BO and 40% of them were grillin. I knew 2 of them but my roommate insisted i knew them all and that they were cool. now, see, i don't hate ravers. I just don't want em in my house. especially after a rave. this isn't a comedown spot, it's not analog, it's my home. when we choose to have house parties, that's one thing. I literally could not move in my lan room. there was ravers everywhere!

so they all galavanted off to some other house, i decided to go along mostly because it was after two and i wanted beer and usually, afterparties = beer plus i wanted to kick it with my friend Michelle and my buddy Tim. So we drive the fuck around all over west seattle only to find there is no after party anywhere. the car im in is all people im cool with so we all jammed back to my place to smoke weed.

20 minutes later there was a knock at the door. It was all the ravers. so I was real quiet and we all chilled, making very little noise, thinking maybe they'd go away. MY ROOMMATE GETS BACK AND LETS EM ALL IN! So now there's 25 ravers in my house again and it's 5am. I lose it and pretty much blow up in my roommate's face. 20 ravers were ejected 10 minutes later. After that took place, it was pretty cool. We kicked it and played some music, bullshat and drank a lot. it was all good. I finally passed out sometime around 9 or 10.

sunday i went down to the PC to kick it with mom because my bday means way more to her than me, being that i am her favorite and first born. we went to dinner at outback which was dope. then we went to see ghost rider which was like, the second most uberly awesome comic->movie ever. after that, it was off to the casino in lacey or something like that where my bro works. we kicked it there for hours and played dumb ass little penny machines and had drinks. it was pretty amusing, i was given $100 for my bday from my mom, but the rule was a i had to gamble. I would have like to get some weed and pay my phone bill, but whatever. i was up $200 from the slots, then decided to play blackjack. i kicked ass for about 1/2 hour, then they changed dealers and i got wtfpwned by this iron maiden crypt keeper zombie old lady. i was so pissed i was losing to her, i made it a point to beat her. by beat her, i mean lose all my money trying to get a 5 card 21 on her. which i did, finally, when i had $10 left.

I was kinda pissed i left there with only $20, but then i thought about how it was just fun and all really just money in theory. it never really existed, and in the end, i came out $20 richer. which is something. plus it was just awesome to kick it with moms and have drinks and what not. definitely the highlight of my bday i'd say followed up closely by the geekfest on friday wehn i had 3 nerds here gaming and one remotely from bham.

My little brother's a bad mofo. I never really realized what he did at the casino, i thought he was just a dealer, but he's like general on the floor, keeping like 10 game tables in check. my bro has never ever been a dick, but i guess that's his job, to be a dick to the dealers to make sure they're working hard and doing things right. it was crazy. he's really pro too, im pretty proud of the guy. he got mangled in the brain by a car accident when he was a kid, all he ever wanted was to join the air force and when he graduated HS, they said he could never be in the military due to brain damage. he's not like a reetee or anything, just has problems with lots of things going on at once or something, to be honest, it never seemed like anything was wrong aside from the doctor records saying so. to see him achieve like this is awesome. he's outdone his big bro and im totally stoked. should find out today if im gonna have a nephew or neice too!

i found out if i move to alaska and live on the tribal land, they'll give me 1000 dollars a month for the rest of my life. i dunno if im down with alaska, but if i get the grapes to do the schoolin, at least i have a solution to not being able to work.

it is so weird how feelings can lie dormant and then explode like a gyser when provoked in the smallest way. i just got hit up on myspace by this girl laura whom i haven't seen in over 10 years. we used to hang out all the time and were really close friends for a long time during the wonder years. she went off to college and i never heard from her again. from the moment i read the first two sentances of the message, i realized how foolish i felt for ever losing contact with laura kreuger. im just amazed at the infusion of energy from just making contact with her again. she's still the same laura, only more adult like. she's still got that riot girl punkish look about her that i used to love. pretty cool shit. im really stoked to be talkin with her again.

going to a party in portland tonight. we chartered a bus and got a banquet license so we're gonna party it up on the way down. no smokin for 3 hours tho.. that's gonna be rough.

still been feelin like life is pointless, but i've come to realize it's just because i don't have the mundane to distract and dull down the feeling a bit. i mean life's not pointless, just not having goals to achieve, it feels pretty pointless. im just stoked im not as emo as i was feeling. that shit's balls.

i've been really enjoying drum & bass again lately and my roommate just got wicked cdjs... im debating burning some shit and givin it a shot. since i made my soulseek work again, i can find everything i hear or want pretty damn easy.

t-minus 1 hour till booze bus

well, it looks as if my gig has come to a close for now. i am now looking for a job again. i'll be on with ascender remotely but until something happens for version 2 or some companies want us to make custom versions of the software, im pretty much shit outta luck for now. So i have to find a crappy job that pays at least $400 a week. i don't want to go back to MS, tho i am sure i could easily do so. i've been debating doing a number of things, but for some reason all i've been thinkin about is workin at a bar or in a kitchen. which is weird cuz i've never had any desire to be a cook.

i'm really bored with my life. it seems that i've managed to conquer all but two of my goals in life much earlier than i anticipated. you know, those solid 'what i want to be when i grow up' sort of goals. i don't even dj anymore simply because i've beaten that game. i don't try to throw parties because i've beaten that game. i don't really know what to do anymore. sure i've had more goals than that, all of which i've conqured. all that remains is to travel the planet, do the family thing, and time travel. i just dunno how ima go about the last 3. well, i know how i can time travel, i just have to wait til im 65. i really just want to travel and do things now. I could live happily with a sat connection, a laptop, and a couple of hard drives worth of music, simply traveling. i almost wish i had things of value that i could liquidate so i could just go. i just don't really care anymore, about the things i've beaten. i've abused the replay value enough and im just really really really bored.

i really hope there's going to be to my life than this. to turn into something coming from nothing was nice. but i always knew i had it in me, even when i wore the same pair of shoes for two years or when i looked forward to our weekly helpings of a meal with meat. i just don't feel anything anymore it seems. it wouldn't matter to me if the world ceased to exist tomorrow and i knew it was coming. strange.

i've been geekin on a lot of good music lately though. Rena Jones and Nuuro are my two flavors of the month at the moment. and i've been listening to some milosh too which is aight. im pretty stoked i made my soulseek work again. i never ever found waht i wanted on there in the past, but now that im listening to this nerdy beepy idm emo crap, it's like always there when i look for it.

at least i have new music to look forward to, i suppose. i really just wish i wasn't so.. caught up on my life or that there was some sort of challenges to overcome again.

i am so pissed that i preordered BC but since it's stupid pointless racist holiday, i wasted $10 to overnight something i won't get til wednesday. bullshit. i hate racist holidays. i really do. im not black, where's my national holiday? oh i don't get one, it's not like my people were slaves, slaughtered, dehumanized, and robbed of their land or anything.

wow, i just slept for like, 14 hours. I wonder if i was sick?

in other news, i have $2 in my checking account and my paycheck is now 4 days over due.

i have some waffles and a bottle of generic soda left.

Man, i always forget about this. I don't think im really much of a blogger anymore.

so 2k6 is done and gone. Certainly a shitty year for the community i love. lost some friends. lost some ravers. lost my passion for deejaying. lost my desire to really be a part of it, i guess. I tried to go to some shows and ended up getting drug away from them to go to raves at studio 7, which i didn't really care for. Seeing NAHA play in a room the size of a closet, with retards rolling around on the floor, not appreciating the music, pisses me off. phoney friends piss me off. i guess im just really sick of it. i have the music. it's all i really need i suppose.

nye was fun despite not going where i wanted to go. tried to go to lofi, but the line was gay and we left 20 mins til midnight to go to dante's. Had fun there even though i wasn't all that stoked on the music. I got to see my friend corrine who's like my sister. she's like, the feDot. it was cool and made my night.

I am so horribly broke right now, i might sell my decks i never use. I have a cool job, but there's been no work these past 5 weeks and im outta money. I'd do unemployment, but since i am remote, im not sure how that works. i should just get a new job, but i love telecommuting and i love not dealing with fucking people at the work place. they have no taste in music and they have their little box lives with their kids and family and shit. All things i don't really relate to.

my kid brother is getting married and having a kid. now at least mom will get off my ass about grandkids and i can smoke out my little nephew when he's 16. :D

im pretty sure the karissa thing is done now. i went out with her and everything was great then she got too drunk and pretty much pretended i was invisible. i don't need to deal with this bullshit. i've been on and off with her for nearly 4 years now and it's always the same shit. her being a drunk and treating me like shit. if i wanted that treatment, i could just live in a trailer park and beat my wife. so fuck it, i love her, but i don't love being treated like shit or being taken for granted. I kick ass and treat women well. I know i can find/do better. Not that i really care at this point, no one's down with a broke motherfucker. :P

i've been listening to lot of nerd music lately and a grip of seattle 'grunge' music. it's been cool. i forgot how much i love rock. i forgot how much more powerful well written words are as opposed to basslines and hihats.

sorry i missed cool nerdy folks out and about. i keep gettin hijacked or pussing out. someday we'll cross paths again, im sure. I am still kicking myself for missing that inertia labs show. I didn't go to TTV mostly due to social anxiety and broken glasses.

motherfucking bsg better be on tonight so i can download it. nearly 3 weeks now and im still teetering on this cliff!

So i had the uber decibel pass and i only went to like, 3 things. None of which were my intended shows. Mostly due to me being the only person in my social circle who went. I missed TTV due to waiting for someone who never showed. I am so stoked they're back again. I have seriously been kickin myself in the ass for not going to that one show. I am pumped. oh so pumped.

I guess im gonna go to the inertia labs gig this weekend too. Stoked for that so I can hear the Swank in all his swanky goodness. I'm guessing Jizosh will be around too, so that's always a much needed nerd bonus.

I am starting to work on a buncha crap for Nike now. We're gonna make them some super pimped out Nike mod of our software for them.

Ascender Personality Kit introduced for Windows Mobile 5.0 devices
ELK GROVE VILLAGE, IL - December 5, 2006 - Ascender Corporation, a leading provider of fonts for hardware & software developers, today announced a new software product for Windows™ Mobile 5.0 devices that lets users change how their Smartphone looks and sounds. The Ascender® Personality Kit™ is the first product to combine ringtones, themes, background images and fonts in matched sets with software that lets users select and apply them to their mobile device.




BEFORE: the default screen


AFTER: with a new personality!


The software runs on a Windows PC, and includes over 50 pre-defined sets of "personalities", ranging from animals and holidays to places and sports. Ascender developed its collection of ringtones and background images by working with a variety of artists, designers and licensed content sources. The software is the first Windows Mobile 5.0 software application that modifies the user interface fonts – each of Ascender's fonts were tuned for ClearType™ for the best quality display on screen.

"We designed the software to appeal to both novice users and road warriors who want to improve the user interface display and ringtone sounds, making their smartphone more personal, entertaining and attention-getting" said Bill Davis, Vice President of Ascender Corporation responsible for new product development. "There are options for users who want to personalize their phone, but none are as comprehensive, easy to use and impressive as our Personality Kit."

The Ascender Personality Kit software makes it easy to preview, select and install a new personality onto a phone. Each personality is pre-defined with a matching set of components that controls how a device looks and sounds: backgrounds, fonts, ringtones, and the colors of windows, controls, scrollbars, menus and dialogs. The user simply selects a category, then a personality, then applies it to the device. The software connects to the Smartphone via ActiveSync or Windows Mobile Device Center. At any time the user can change personalities or roll back to the original phone settings.

The software is available in three versions to support the three Windows Mobile 5.0 devices on the market today:

Pocket PC Phone
Smartphone with Portrait (240x320) display (Cingular 2125 & 3125, T-Mobile SDA, etc.)
Smartphone with Landscape (320x240) display (Cingular Blackjack, Motorola Q, T-Mobile Dash, etc.)
The software retails for $19.99 and is available immediately as a software download from the Ascender website (http://www.ascendercorp.com/personalitykit.html) and other Smartphone online resellers including Handango.com, pocketgear.com and smartphone.net. The software is a 23mb download file, which can take 5 minutes at 640Kbps or 2 minutes at 1.5Mbps to download.

The Ascender Smartphone Personality Kit requires a Windows Mobile 5.0 device with QVGA (320x240 or 240x320) resolution display and a PC with Windows 2000, XP, or Vista, a high speed Internet connection, 65 MB available hard disk space on the PC, 3MB available space on the device, and Microsoft Installer 3.0 and .NET Framework 2.0 on the PC.

The software supports Pocket PC Phone and Smartphone devices with Windows Mobile 5.0, including devices with portrait or landscape QVGA screens. Examples of supported devices include the Cingular Blackjack, 2125, 3125, 8125, i-mate JAQ, JAMin, Smartflip and SP3, Motorola Q, Samsung i320, T-Mobile Dash, SDA and MDA, Qtek 8310, Sprint IP-830W and PPC-6700, Vodafone v1240 and Verizon Wireless XV6700.

In addition to the retail software being offered for download to consumers, Ascender also has a version of the software available for licensing to handset manufacturers and wireless carriers. The OEM version of the software runs on the device and does not require a PC. This version can be customized for OEMs who want to enhance their Windows Mobile 5.0 devices in a very cost-effective manner. For more information on the OEM version, contact Ascender's sales team or visit Ascender's website at http://www.ascendercorp.com/personalitykit.html

About Ascender
Ascender® Corporation is a leading provider of advanced font products specializing in type design, font development and licensing. Ascender's founders are font industry experts and have been involved in developing some of the most important and influential fonts used in computers and mobile devices. Ascender provides multilingual, custom font development for a wide range of customers including creative professionals, enterprises and hardware & software developers. Ascender also provides fonts for download to graphic designers and consumers through the Ascender Font Store website.

awww dude, i woke up too late. i was gonna order grocerys to show up at noon and then make an antipasto salad. QQ

oh so sick....

i've been so sick the past 24 hours. so sick that im super dehydrated, couldn't stop pukin, and i literally thought i was going to have to go to the hospital. but i toughed it out and i feel a little better. no more pukiness or anything. i was seriously getting scared. however, now my back is fuckin sore. sadly, the punk rock bed is not very sick friendly. after about 10 hours, it's the most uncomfy mattress ever.

i seriously hope it wasn't something i ate. i wanna call home and see if anyone else is sick, but i don't wanna upset me moms. heh.

i just downloaded 6 hours of terrence mckenna. im stoked.

Well, here i sit at the parents' place. mom took some vicodin and drank too much because she thought me and my bro were ditching out. So when i got here to hang out with her, she was totally doing the nod and fallin asleep sitting up. I put her to bed about an hour ago. like i'd ditch my family. jeeze.

food should rule tomorrow and i'll get to see my granny which rocks. just got done hangin with my brother and dorking out on robot chicken. good times.

i've been in touch with katie lately which is cool. I really dig her and think we should hang out more. She's a gamer nerd girl. it's hot.

i don't know what to do about my life. i feel like im stagnant right no with no motivation or goals. outside having a family someday, i'm pretty fucking clueless.

i've never understood the term "love someone so much it hurts" til just recently. why am i ok with the woman i love having a boyfriend? why am i ok with being the 'seattle guy'? I know she doesn't love him. I know it's only happening because she's got to survive, but i can't help but feel like crap for it. i know i wouldn't want to be him if the situation was reversed. i guess i could get a 'tide me over' girlfriend, but i won't. I can't. it's just hard to fake it when you're so in love with another person. it's just fucked up.

if you have a windows mobile 5.0 phone, my software is done if you'd like some free hook ups. but only if you'll give me feedback :)

mood: awake

well, i gave up my old blog because i realized my normal nick is pretty searchable and with the damn myspace thing being sooooo easily searchable to see my rantings there, i decided to use lj again under a fake fake name :D

grooooovy.

mood: amused